I am and I am not a lot of things

Channel Description:

Lend Me a Kitten I will lend to you for awhile a kitten, God said. For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he's dead. Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three. But will you, 'till I call him back, take care of him for me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you and, should his stay be brief You'll always have his memories as solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return. But there are lessons taught below I want this kitten to learn. I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true. And from the folk that crowds life's land I have chosen you. Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain? Nor hate me when I come to take my kitten home again? I fancied that I heard them say 'Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done' For all the joys this kitten brings the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may. And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay. But should you call him back much sooner than we planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand. If, by our love we've managed your wishes to achieve, Then in memory of him whom we loved, please help us while we grieve. When our cherished kitten departs this world of strife, Please send yet another needing soul for us to love all his life. Although the image I portray is rarely consistent, many people mistakenly perceive me as somewhat angry, but I am not necessarily the aggressive sort. My public persona tends to be a front that is carefully calculated to keep certain people at bay and as it turns out it can be very effective. Even under the pressure of day to day living I maintain my own personal space that I guard at all times. Valuing my privacy, I keep most people at arms length and resent those bold enough to attempt an intrusion, and I don't have qualms with that assessment as long as it keeps undesirable individuals away. I don't like being the center of attention and I work hard to maintain a low key unobtrusive image. Going unnoticed allows me freedom from the prying eyes of others and the chance to create my own reality. I love to do things that give me problems in the long run. I sometimes get myself into difficult problems and situations whose emotional consequences are too much for me to handle, then I wonder how the whole mess started in the first place. I also love to carry a grudge and I'm no slouch when it comes to remembering the many ways I have been wronged. Even if the personal slight occured a year ago, I'll remember the incident in full detail. I tend to be quick to anger and somewhat hard to forget. A bad trait and I'm learning to undo it. I hate the prospect of working for the rest of my life. I am the sort of person who may even look to retiring, then I can remove myself from lifes unpleasantries and clean out all the cob web in my head. In general, I enjoy loosening up, relaxing and having a good time. The best approach to befirend me is working along side with me for a long enough period of time that I feel comfortable with you. This may take two hours, two days, two weeks or two years. I don't readily trust people and may keep my guard up for a long time. I maybe a difficult character to get to know, but once i let you inside my private world, you'll be glad I did. These maybe some of the things i want people to see in me... they and i may both fail but these are what i am and these are what i am going to be... I am COMPLICATED because I thrive in EXTREMITIES... I am a certified BITCH... bitching about anything stupid and absurd though sometimes i regret it)... I am INSECURE...of the rich and the famous... I am NOBODY...trying to be somebody doing something worthwhile someday... I am SIMPLE... always wanting to live an unpretentious life... I am a LIAR...just because i have my own edition of TRUTHs... I am HONEST...but not because being one is noble, but it's a must for me to tell my version of reality... I am HAPPY (though i could be HAPPIER) but not without past sufferings and pains... and because of these I am a SURVIVOR... outstorming every storm... I FEAR a lot: from darkness, lightning, drowning, blood, horror movies to physical pain or self-inflictions but only next to my fear of being alone and lonely... I am SELFISH because I have to get what I want (some of them)... I am SELFLESS... ready to yield to anything for the sake of common happiness... I am IN LOVE... with my family and friends because they are two of the three entities who sum up my life hence, I am in love with LIFE... I am not your EXTRAORDINARY guy...and I do not give a damn... I am and I am not a lot of things... but i do not try (harder) to be different because that would not be ME anymore... so far, I AM enjoying just being ME (most of the time)
Does it Matter My father asked me if I am gay I said "Does it matter?" he said "Not really" I said "Yes" He said "Get out of my house" I guess it mattered My boss asked me if I am gay I said "Does it matter?" he said "Not really" I said "Yes" He said "You're fired faggot!" I guess it mattered My friend ask me if I am gay I said "Does it matter?" he said "Not really" I said "Yes" He said "Don't ever call me your friend ever again" I guess it mattered My lover asked me "Do you love me?" I said "Does it matter?" He said "Yes" I said "I love you" He said "let me hold you in my arms" for the first time somethings mattered God asked me "Do you love yourself?" I said "Does it matter?" He said "Yes" I said "How can I love myself? I am gay?" He said "This is the way I made you, how can you not love yourself" And nothing will ever matter again Will You Be My Friend? There are so many reasons why you never should: I'm sometimes sullen, often shy, acutely sensitive, My fear erupts as anger, I find it hard to give, I talk about myself when I'm afraid And often spend a day without anything to say. But I will make you laugh And love you quite a bit And hold you when you're sad. I cry a little almost every day Because I'm more caring than the strangers ever know, And, if at times, I show my tender side (The soft and warmer part I hide) I wonder, Will you be my friend? A friend Who far beyond the feebleness of any vow or tie Will touch the secret place where I am really I, To know the pain of lips that plead and eyes that weep, Who will not run away when you find me in the street Alone and lying mangled by my quota of defeats But will stop and stay - to tell me of another day When I was beautiful. Will you be my friend? There are so many reasons why you never should: Often I'm too serious, seldom predictably the same, Sometimes cold and distant, probably I'll always change. I bluster and brag, seek attention like a child. I brood and pout, my anger can be wild, But I will make you laugh And love you quite a bit And be near when you're afraid. I shake a little almost every day Because I'm more frightened than the strangers ever know And if at times I show my trembling side (The anxious, fearful part I hide) I wonder, Will you be my friend? A friend who, When I fear your closeness, feels me push away And stubbornly will stay to share what's left on such a day, Who, when no one knows my name or calls me on the phone, When there's no concern for me - what I have or haven't done - And those I've helped and counted on have, oh so deftly, run, Who, when there's nothing left but me, stripped of charm and subtlety, Will nonetheless remain.. Will you be my friend? For no reason that I know Except I want you so.

Latest Articles in this Channel:

02/28/09--23:53: Hearts & Souls Cattery 1st Litter (chan 2853493)

Little Santino


Sylvester


Osiris


Horus





03/06/09--10:19: Cat Journal: "HELP" (chan 2853493)

We have a cat named Chubs. A black smoke male cat who was raised practically since birth by his human Richmond before we got him.

He was always a shy kid, wanting to be alone when the other cats are playing around. A spectator watching, cautious and wary of the other cats movements.

The only company he has are the kittens whom he adores so much. He was their nanny, he leans them after they pee or poo. plays with them and in his element around them.

Then the first 2 kittens grew, Buddha and Scary. And like humans sometimes, they lost interest in their nanny.

Left alone again with only us, his humans for company. He placed himself on a ledge near the ceiling above the cabinet. As always, he became the shadow that watches our every move.

His arch nemesis are Santino and Kyra, a former house mate, and god only knows why, the bane of his existence are always on his tail. Bullying him around and teasing him. The ledge gave him a safe haven from the 2 misfits.

He got the habit of peeing and poo...


03/07/09--09:29: Hearts and Souls Cattery 1st Litter (chan 2853493)

Our first batch of kittens to share the unique Hearts and Souls of these living graces in


03/07/09--09:45: Cat Journal: Hearts and Souls Cattery ... 1st Litter (chan 2853493)

Little Santino


Sylvester


Osiris


Horus





03/07/09--17:39: I am and I am not a lot of things free web page hit counter - Cat Journal: Hearts and Souls Cattery ... 1st Litter (chan 2853493)

Sharing the wonderful and unique Hearts & Souls of these fabulous kittens


03/07/09--17:43: I am and I am not a lot of things free web page hit counter - Hearts and Souls Cattery 1st Litter (chan 2853493)

Sharing the wonderful and unique Hearts & Souls of these fabulous


03/07/09--17:51: I am and I am not a lot of things free web page hit counter - Hearts & Souls Cattery 1st Litter (chan 2853493)

Sharing the unique and wonderful Hearts & Souls of these wonderful kittens


03/10/09--11:07: Papaya pok pok, Sumtam, Papaya Salad (chan 2853493)

The meal is quite simple to make. The main ingredients are shredded green papaya, chopped green beans, tomoato, dried prawns, unsalted roasted peanuts, chillies, garlic and lime juice. These are all pounded together in a mortar using a pestle. The sound it makes is "pok pok". *(http://www.enjoythaifood.com/somtam.php) Me and Paul this Thai movie last weekend that featured this food. Curious as cats we decided to search online for the recipe :) We'll be making it this weekend :D


03/29/09--07:33: Cat Journal: Cat Death Camp (chan 2853493)

I was browsing the web and came across this site, http://hubpages.com/hub/China-Horror---Death-Camp-for-Cats--Boycott-all-things-Chinese, why haven't they thought of neutering them instead of killing these beautiful creatures

China Horror - Death Camp for Cats! Boycott all things Chinese.
By sdorrian


The 2008 summer Olympics are scheduled to begin on August 8, 2008 in Beijing, China. In preparation for this exciting event, the Chinese government is cleaning up the city for its moment in the spotlight as the host city for the Olympics. In addition to the usual preparations such as preparing event venues and repairing streets and buildings, they are also rounding up tens of thousands of helpless cats, cramming them into tiny cages, and sending them off to certain death. It’s the dirty little secret they hope the rest of the world doesn’t find out about.

The reason? Ignorance? Panic? Stupidity? Downright lack of any sense of decency or compassion? Take your pick. Because the Chines...


01/19/10--19:23: Persian Cats and Kittens - Moving out Sale Philippines - 1871042 (chan 2853493)

Link





01/19/10--19:24: 2 - 75 gal aquarium with stand Philippines - 1909202 (chan 2853493)

Link


01/25/10--06:10: Persian cats and Kittens for Sale (chan 2853493)

Persian Kittens for sale
7k negotiable
3months old kittens
Male Blue Tabby

Male Brown Mackerel tabby

2.5months old kittens
Male Cream

Male Orange/Red Tabby

Female Black


also available pregnant persian queens
12k negotiable
1 yr old Calico - fisrt pregnancy - Elora

2 yrs old White - 2 times proven - Mommy Sandy
2 yrs old Brown Mackerel Tabby - 2 times proved - due any time soon -Phoebe

2.5 yrs old Tortoishell - 4 times proven - Kyra

1.5 yrs old Tortoishell - first pregnancy - Calliope - gave birth yesterday to 5 lovely kittens 3 black and 2 looks like cream (???) - mom and kittens will be sold for 18k


3/4ths persian crossbreed
(half breed mom + purebreed dad)
3k - pregnant white odd-eyed; 2 time proven; offspring medium haired kittens - Moonlight

2k - white; 1 time proven; offspring medium haired kittens - Chibi

2k - bi-color gray tabby and white; 1 time proven; offspring medium haired kittens - Moony
(has a pikachu tail lol a little bent in the middle)

male persian cats
8k negotiable
1.5 yrs old Cream - Ho...


01/25/10--06:10: Persian cats and Kittens for Sale (chan 2853493)

Persian Kittens for sale
7k negotiable
3months old kittens
Male Blue Tabby

Male Brown Mackerel tabby

2.5months old kittens
Male Cream

Male Orange/Red Tabby

Female Black


also available pregnant persian queens
12k negotiable
1 yr old Calico - fisrt pregnancy - Elora

2 yrs old White - 2 times proven - Mommy Sandy
2 yrs old Brown Mackerel Tabby - 2 times proved - due any time soon -Phoebe

2.5 yrs old Tortoishell - 4 times proven - Kyra

1.5 yrs old Tortoishell - first pregnancy - Calliope - gave birth yesterday to 5 lovely kittens 3 black and 2 looks like cream (???) - mom and kittens will be sold for 18k


3/4ths persian crossbreed
(half breed mom + purebreed dad)
3k - pregnant white odd-eyed; 2 time proven; offspring medium haired kittens - Moonlight

2k - white; 1 time proven; offspring medium haired kittens - Chibi

2k - bi-color gray tabby and white; 1 time proven; offspring medium haired kittens - Moony
(has a pikachu tail lol a little bent in the middle)

male persian cats
8k negotiable
1.5 yrs old Cream - Ho...


03/14/10--12:21: 5 Blue Persian Kittens for Sale Philippines - 2063515 (chan 2853493)




03/14/10--12:23: Philippine Pet Finder • View topic - 5 Blue Kittens for Sale (chan 2853493)




03/14/10--12:26: 5 Blue Persian Kittens for Sale (chan 2853493)

5 blue persian kittens for sale

DOB: February 12, 2010

Kittens are from Phoebe and Nimbus
Sex: will be posted as soon as we get to check their gender

Al kittens will be released sometime in April or early part of May
will be released with their shots, anti-rabies and deworm

Kittens are raised underfoot
Loves to be handled
Started eating their wet food, iams and roayl canin soaked in mlik (for cats)

All kittens will be sold for 8k each negotiable

Kitten1



Kitten2



Kitten3



Kitten4



Kitten5





05/15/10--19:58: Candle (chan 2853493)

Love is like a candle, it burns bright the first time till it burns itself out 
Then you'll be left with stump of a heart that exhausted itself from burning

Then one day, one fateful day,
You find the courage to collect the wax and start making another candle

Till someone lights it again and love burns once more

And you are left hoping that this time, may love burn as it never did
And the candle will never have to burn itself out



05/16/10--10:21: I go ... (chan 2853493)

I cant bear it
anymore
I cant ...
too much anger,
too much pain,
too much sorrow,
too much rain,
no matter how madly
we once
loved
each other;
I cant trudge
another
step
on this lonely
journey
by myself...
left here on the shelf
where you put me
for safe keeping,
I sit here,
always weeping,
waiting for your return,
while deep inside
I burn
with slow despair...
I care ...
Oh, Honey
yes, I care, but now I can't ,
I won't,
I will not sit here
dying,
fading,
crying,
loving,
hating,
waiting
for the fates
to deposit you
in my arms
once more
with your smile
so rich and slow...
Oh no, Hon,
I can't
Love you or not,
this time ...

I go



05/17/10--14:30: Trying to pretend (chan 2853493)

Trying
to pretend
I'm cool,
lying
in the bed
that is
absolutely
vast
without you.
Trying to pretend
that I
don't care
how late
your key
plays
chimes
in my ear
as it turns
in the lock.
Trying to pretend
I'm
free
but stayed
home to do
the laundry
and I'm
feeling tired
tonight.
Trying to pretend
that I
don't care
but caring
far
too
much.
Trying to pretend
that I don't
give
a damn
about
you,
my one
and
only man.
So go out.
Go ahead.
Don't come home.
Get drunk.
Get laid.
Fly free.
I'll be here
all night tonight
like
many
other nights
Trying to pretend
I am
the super splendid
lady cool
I can't
even
begin
to pretend
to be.




05/19/10--22:02: Each of Us (chan 2853493)

Each of us
with our
secret gifts,
magic potions,
lovely notions,
waiting to be
shared,
waiting to be
aired,
Each of us,
a half,
a whole,
a mind,
a soul,
a heart,
and yet
a part
of a better
richer
more,
looking for
the door,
the key,
the you,
the me,
the we
growing
day by day,
looking
for the way
to find
what
I'd always
dreamed
and never seen,
always tried
and never been,
always thought
but never knew,
until at last
I discovered
that the gift
I always sought
was you.



06/14/10--00:01: Come Back (chan 2853493)

Funny that they all come back,
they always do.

Back they come with a change of heart,
long after they had gone.

Back they come with all the words
I wanted once to hear.

But they come back too late.

Ears go deaf,
Hearts die,
Memories pass
and time ceases to be of much importance.

This time make it different.

Bring him back while I still care.



06/18/10--01:16: A glimse in my past ... the first (chan 2853493)

and on that fateful night in his brothers pick up truck, we went to the highest hill somewhere in tagaytay, parked beside a large tree, we spread the cotton plaid sheet of light blue and white, open a vintage red wine and dined on smorgasbord of cheese and cold cuts.

we laid down and watched the stars as the crescent moon journeyed farther from us, i saw multitudes of stars and shooting stars that darted across the sky in numbers that i care to imagine.

this young man of 16 and me barely 18, watched the milky way slowly spiraling from east to west with only our heart beats to fill the silence.

as the north star slowly fades, and first rays of the sun touched the horizon, i knew that life will never be the same again.

he told me he had to leave in a voice that still echoes in my head, with eyes pleading for understanding and i, for the first time felt my heart shatter in millions of pieces.

then i cried in sorrow and anguish that i never thought i had in me. and as he enveloped me in his arm...


06/19/10--22:23: Missing you??? (chan 2853493)

why am i missing you?

when i barely know you? were barely acquainted? we hardly talk and all we share are glimpses and occasional smiles, trivial conversation ... well thats next to nothing at all

but damn it mehn ... i miss you just the same




06/28/10--11:46: Peekaboo (chan 2853493)

You run in and out of my life'
as though it were a game'
a child's sport,
a sort of forest where you can dart among the trees.

Now I see you,
Now I don't,
Perhaps you will,
Perhaps you won't.

The phone lies still,
It means your happy somewhere else.
The phone then comes alive again,
It means your tired of the world of men.

You come,
 You go,
You flit,
You fly.

You run into my arms,
you lie, you disappear.

And then I see you,
Standing there,
Playing peekaboo behind a tree.

Oh, no,
No more
This time I score,

Farewell poor childish man.
Have your fun,
Live your life,
play all your games.

But not with me



06/28/10--11:51: No one there (chan 2853493)

I offer him silence,
and bring back despair.

I look for a rainbow
and find only dust.

I wish for a dream
and wake up on a trance.

I cling on a smile
and choke on a sob.

I tender my hand
and bring back the air.

I reach for the man
and find no one there.



06/29/10--09:48: The Man Who Didn’t Believe in Love (chan 2853493)

I want to tell you a very old story about the man who didn’t believe in love. This was an ordinary man just like you and me, but what made this man special was his way of thinking: He thought love doesn’t exist. Of course, he had a lot of experience trying to find love, and he had observed the people around him. Much of his life had been spent searching for love, only to find that love didn’t exist.

Wherever this man went, he used to tell people that love is nothing but an invention of the poets, an invention of religions just to manipulate the weak mind of humans, to have control over humans, to make them believe. He said that love is not real, and that’s why no human could ever find love even though he might look for it.

This man was highly intelligent, and he was very convincing. He read a lot of books, he went to the best universities, and he became a respected scholar. He could stand in any public place, in front of any kind of people, and his logic was very stron...